What if my best isn't good enough?
Entrepreneurship, Musings

What if my best isn’t good enough?

What if my best isn’t good enough?

What if I work as hard as I can, and I still fall short of my goals?

What if, no matter how much I care, how many years I toil, or how many sacrifices I make, my dream still remains out of reach?

What if I find the courage to wipe away my tears and climb back in the saddle after every failure, and in the end, it’s all for nothing?

What if this dream that I want so much it hurts…just isn’t meant for me?

Welcome to the inner workings of an unquiet mind–cute, right?

And this is a good day.

On the truly bad days, I come within inches of pulling the plug on this dream of mine.

Within inches of throwing my hands up and saying “You win, Universe! I clearly don’t want it bad enough.”

But I wouldn’t stop there.

No, I wouldn’t take the high road. I wouldn’t take responsibility for my shortcomings or consider whether I was, truly and honestly, giving it my all.

Not in that moment of anguish, deeply rooted in my pain body, identifying with my persona as “The Failed Entrepreneur.”

My ego wouldn’t let me. So I’d play the blame game instead.

“Either that,” I’d say, still looking toward the heavens, a clenched and defeated fist raised to the sky, “or you just didn’t want me to have it.”

I’d know full well that it wasn’t the fault of the Universe. That there was no divine conspiracy against me, no higher being watching me from the edge of their seat, snacking on popcorn, eagerly waiting for me to fail.

But it would still sting, and in the midst of that pain, the last thing I’d consider would be piling on more pain by admitting that, all along, my success or failure had depended entirely upon me.

So far, though, I haven’t been pushed to that point.

The Universe IS testing me, day in and day out. But I don’t believe it really wants me to fail.

It just wants me to prove how badly I really want a life of gainful self-employment and entrepreneurship; to prove that I’ll do whatever it takes–for as long as it takes–to achieve it.

And the good news is, I do believe, truly and wholeheartedly, that my best is good enough. That I have what it takes to stay the course and do the thing and crush the goals.

I have the drive, and I have the passion.

The question that remains, then, is: Do I have thick enough skin?

Can I withstand the Universe’s tests long enough–for as long as it takes–to get where I want to go?

My ego tells me I should be outraged that I haven’t already arrived.

My ego wants me to look at that other entrepreneur and feel ashamed at how much less I’ve achieved by comparison.

My ego is easily bruised, its buttons easily pushed.

And the Universe is privy to this–it knows that the ego is my biggest obstacle.

Which leaves only one real solution: Tell my ego to sit down and shut the f*ck up.

If I’m truly working as hard as I can…

If I’m truly giving my very best every single day…

And if I truly believe that my best IS good enough…

Then all I have to do is persevere.

The tests from the Universe will come. My ego will cry and scream and kick and protest and tell me I deserve to be outraged.

And every day, first thing in the morning, I will calmly and firmly tell my ego that it’s none of her goddamn business.

Then I’ll pour myself a cup of coffee and get to work.


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6 Comments

  • Reply LuLu B - Calabrisella Mia March 27, 2017 at 12:08 am

    This blog post hit home for me, especially recently. I’m struggling with so many things at the moment and question, is it all worth it? I keep moving forward and I don’t want to give up but there are moments when my limit is pushed. Trying to conjure up more energy, drive, motivation to push through this slump and hope that maybe, just maybe this time, I’ll start to see some results.

    • Reply Leah Davis March 28, 2017 at 9:10 am

      What always helps me is to remind myself of why I started in the first place. For me, the idea of ever going back to a 9-5 job (which sounds like absolute hell to me) is all the motivation I need to keep plugging away. I value my freedom far too much for that. So I challenge you to a) Remember your “why” and b) remember how far you’ve already come and celebrate that progress. You can do this!

  • Reply Kim Andre Langholz March 29, 2017 at 3:08 am

    Haha… Love it.
    You’re not alone in feeling this way, Leah 😉

    • Reply Leah Davis March 29, 2017 at 8:47 am

      Thanks Kim!! It’s a daily struggle…

  • Reply Lauren March 30, 2017 at 1:19 pm

    Honest and heartfelt post. I have recently fully committed to the location independent lifestyle and know these struggles all too well. It always appears others are so much farther ahead than we are, and we can we be so hard on ourselves when comparing. My biggest challenge has been honoring how far I’ve come and learning that this journey of mine is personal to ME, and can’t be compared to anyone else’s. I’m not saying I’m 100% there yet, but I’m working on it. Ditching the unreasonable deadlines I’ve set for achieving my dreams has also helped; trusting I’ll arrive there exactly when I’m supposed to and not a moment before or after. You’ve got this!!! 🙂

  • Reply Ashley April 2, 2017 at 2:39 am

    I can completely relate, Leah! I’m not sure why it’s so easy to focus on what you haven’t achieved rather than how far you’ve come – which is something I definitely struggle with. I remember finding your blog when it was still .wordpress.com, and you’ve accomplished so much since then – there’s no reason to be doubting yourself, girl! Ps, have you read Ego Is the Enemy? I haven’t yet, but Tim Ferriss recommended it, and it’s at the top of my must-read list!

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